Odd neighbor behavior

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Maizan24
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Odd neighbor behavior

Postby Maizan24 » May 16th, 2017, 2:23 pm

Anyone have any experience/advice about dealing with a neighbor? I have a 2 year old boy and my wife and I were really excited about taking him outside so he can play on his swing and slide or just run around the yard. However every time either or both of us take him out the neighbor takes his power equipment out of his she'd and turns it all on and places it in the back corner closest to where my son's toys are. He runs a push mower a snow blower and a generator. Then he comes out and weed wacks that one corner for 10 minutes.

Then he pretty much just walks away and let's the stuff run until we go inside. The other day I took my dog out for a pee and to that back corner just because the lawn there isn't great so I don't care if she messes it up. The guy just stood in his driveway and stared at me until my dog was done and she went inside. Like Michael Myers style. I find this all to be pretty strange. I have no idea what the heck I did to this guy to have him be like this toward me and my family. I introduced myself when we first moved in a few years ago and he seemed like a nice guy.

I suppose talking to him would be a start if I get the chance or just wave to him if I notice him looking my general direction. I'm not one for confrontation and just don't want any trouble. Just want to be able to enjoy the weather with my family in relative peace.
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby Marinegrunt » May 16th, 2017, 6:32 pm

That is really odd behavior. How many times has it happened? Are you positive he's trying to run you and your family inside? I guess it's happened enough for you to notice though.

Talking to him probably is the best remedy but, it's so odd, it's hard to say how he would react. Considering he's doing it to make noise he could probably get a ticket but calling it in should be a last resort. You have a right to peace and quiet in your backyard especially if someone is intentionally causing the noise.

Maybe invite them over for dinner so you can get to know each other in hopes he stops doing It?

Continue playing outside until they run out of gas to show him it doesn't bother you?

Play some music so loud it over powers the noise from the equipment hoping he then thinks you're crazier than him and stops? :good:

Best of luck. I'm curious on how this will play out. I don't get it. I can see if you were causing commotion but crazy he's doing just for you being outside.
Maizan24
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby Maizan24 » May 17th, 2017, 5:55 am

I'd say it's happened 4 times so far. Each time in conjunction with being out in the back. It's just really hard to believe someone needs to be running all that equipment at the exact moment his neighbors are outside trying to enjoy themselves. I actually was going to stay out there until his stuff ran out of gas and had a few moments of joy when his lawn mower started to sputter but I went inside anyway because my arms were getting tired from pushing my son on his swing for 40 minutes.

I was talking to my other neighbor and he said the guy behind him , who is the problem neighbors side neighbor, might be putting in a pool. JuSt curious how he will react to a couple kids splashing around and screaming in the summer if they do in fact install one. Will keep updates and maybe post some pics.
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby killerv » May 17th, 2017, 7:49 am

Keep doing what you are doing and pretend it doesn't bother you. As long as he thinks it bothers you he will continue to do it. He'll grow tired after awhile and stop.
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby Maizan24 » May 17th, 2017, 9:23 am

killerv wrote:
May 17th, 2017, 7:49 am
Keep doing what you are doing and pretend it doesn't bother you. As long as he thinks it bothers you he will continue to do it. He'll grow tired after awhile and stop.
That was another option. And probably what ill do. Also was thinking there are quite a few elderly people in the area so maybe one of them will be crotchety enough to say something. Well see what happens. I really could care less if he likes me or not but he's a grown man and this all seems very petty and childish.

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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby rydaddy » May 17th, 2017, 12:13 pm

killerv wrote:
May 17th, 2017, 7:49 am
Keep doing what you are doing and pretend it doesn't bother you. As long as he thinks it bothers you he will continue to do it. He'll grow tired after awhile and stop.
This for sure. Excellent point.
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby tlinden » May 17th, 2017, 1:59 pm

LOL go outside every time his machines aren't running. Eventually he'll get tired of buying gas.
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby turf_toes » May 17th, 2017, 2:25 pm

Put up a fence and move on with your life. That guy might have a lot more patience than what you expect.

Why play games? A new privacy fence will probably make for a great neighbor. Best of all, you can act like an adult.

Your goal is to not have the drama this guy brings. (Not to win a battle of wills, right? Because that's truly toddler-like behavior right there.) Be the bigger man and put up a privacy fence. Then just move on with your life.
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby rtomek » May 17th, 2017, 4:17 pm

Do you have a fence? My assumption is that he's probably not too happy about kids in his yard and just setting up a boundary that the kid doesn't want to cross. I remember we had a odd neighbor at one place we rented, and anytime toys were near his fence, he would come around to our yard and move them away from the fence. It was a solid wood fence, so he would have to walk around and look over our gate to even see if any toys were there. We waved at him one time and he kind of freaked out once he realized we knew what he was up to, and we never saw it happen again. Some people must not like kids or they're scared they'll ruin their stuff and break everything.
Maizan24
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby Maizan24 » May 17th, 2017, 8:08 pm

rtomek wrote:
May 17th, 2017, 4:17 pm
Do you have a fence? My assumption is that he's probably not too happy about kids in his yard and just setting up a boundary that the kid doesn't want to cross. I remember we had a odd neighbor at one place we rented, and anytime toys were near his fence, he would come around to our yard and move them away from the fence. It was a solid wood fence, so he would have to walk around and look over our gate to even see if any toys were there. We waved at him one time and he kind of freaked out once he realized we knew what he was up to, and we never saw it happen again. Some people must not like kids or they're scared they'll ruin their stuff and break everything.
He put a chain link fence up a year or so ago so even if my kid wanted to go over there he can't. And the swing and slide that he has for his outdoor toys are a good 50 or more feet away from the property line.
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby 73Chall » May 19th, 2017, 8:50 am

Maizan24 wrote:
May 16th, 2017, 2:23 pm
Anyone have any experience/advice about dealing with a neighbor?
More ... than ... you ... will/would ever want to know, Trust Me!

Haven't seen this mentioned yet but, ascertain whether or not your state has a court records search and, if so, run the neighbor's name to see if he has a past history of ... any past history, get it? If you don't know the neighbor's name, you may have to start with an online search of Land Records (i.e., your county gis system). The last state we lived in (MD) the majority of court docket entries are public record so anyone can enter anyone's name and see if the person has no involvement with the courts or law enforcement, just minor traffic violations OR a PATTERN of problematic behavior. State we're in now doesn't have anything akin to online searches of court records but, not an issue as all's one has to do is ask about one another 'round here and everyone pretty much seems to know everyone, ha-ha!

Anyhoo, Just like we determine what specific "issue" we are dealing with in our yardens before we try to resolve it/them, you want at least the minimum of due diligence to determine if you're dealing with a mildly "off" personality or, if you have a potential sociopath living next door to your family. (Side-note: Obviously, there is a wide range of personality disorders and sociopathic behaviors but, you owe it to yourself to at least try and determine who or what lives next door. The fact there is no regular intercourse back-and-forth really makes your situation tough and why I've learned it is ALWAYS pursue meetings, greetings and "get to know one another" conversations BEFORE problems start occurring as, having first words when it is over a "problem" is always tough, even for pros in dealing with people.

All that said, THERE ARE PEOPLE in this world who always "need" some "battle" or "cause du jour" in their lives ... being in conflict with someone else is the only way they know to function getting through each day. If, by any chance, this is the type personality you are dealing with (and it sure sounds possible, from your in-depth descriptions) then, YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT PERSON or subject of their "focus." Again, there is a wide range of this type of personality and behavior, with two polar ends and everything in between, from those who just always seem to have problems but functional in society to totally off the chart sociopathic behavior.

So, and if it turns out you are dealing with an asymptomatic personality type, what does, "YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE (the)subject of their "focus" mean? Above all else, DO NOT (EVER!) let yourself be drawn into any type of "[banned word]-for-tat" behavior. And, do everything you can to avoid involving law enforcement, code inspectors, etc., etc. (hopefully his behavior will simply remain as passive-aggressive and as mildly offensive as it is now ...) Whether [banned word]-for-tat or involvement of "authorities," they THRIVE on this and if it happens, you might as well put a second wedding ring on one of your other 9 fingers. (But, sometimes neighbors with personality disorders do make it necessary. Just try to avoid it for as long you can)

Keep up and if you haven't already started, initiate the pleasant waves when you see him, even if he ignores you.

You describe "standing and staring" behavior which, let's face it, is primal language for several things so, in addition to all the forgoing, the best advice I can give (again, based on painful experience) is:

1. Start boning up on basic psychology of personality disorders and people who have intermediate to advanced difficulty in communicating with others (genetic as well as environmental (from those who raised us) REASON BEING YOU WANT TO BE ONE-STEP AHEAD OF HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS INDIVIDUAL, ONCE THE RELATIONSHIP BEGINS INCLUDING VERBAL contact (and it will, for better or for worse, point is, you do not want to be caught off-guard so, get on-line!); and,

2. "Tall fences make for good neighbors" is likely truer than "location, location, location" or "buy low and sell high"

Other neighbors and best friends also have property in another state and there is not enough space here to describe the humans who moved into a foreclosed property right next to their quiet, quiet Gulf Coast "get away" neighborhood. My friend, already on a fixed income, reached pretty deep into his wallet to have a 7-foot vinyl-clad fence erected along the entire length of the property line between the two properties (after receiving blessings from the local zoning department who had already received numerous and anonymous complaints about the code violations at the problem address).

Anyway, all the surrounding neighbors agree: this is the first time such a drastic action has ever been necessary in such a genteel enclave but, every dang one of them wishes they could do the same thing!

Personally, and with the problem neighbor we had decades ago, I regret every month I put off planting Leyland Cypress along our property lines. Had I done so, by the time the problems reached a crescendo, those columns would have been 7-feet or higher and the challenges at least halved, if not entirely ameliorated. But, one has to take into consideration neighbors complaining about impacts of deep shade on their respective lawns so, experience has shown me nothing works better than a really, really awesome looking, low maintenance, permanent privacy fence (al of which = buck$ but, in the long run, it'l' be money well spent.

Here's wishing you some fast relief and your neighbor less "pain" in life!

Guess my
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turf_toes
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby turf_toes » May 19th, 2017, 9:58 am

I'd agree with the fence advice. But I disagree about involving law enforcement. If the neighbor breaks the law or threatens you, the best thing is to let the authorities deal with it.

One of my friends is a former deputy director at the Secret Service (He was on the Reagan detail when younger) and he is always saying that there comes a time you need to let the police/authorities handle a problem.

Clearly just leering at you and running loud equipment doesn't meet the threshold to get police involved. But I certainly wouldn't hesitate to contact authorities if things escalate to criminal behavior or threats.
73Chall
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby 73Chall » May 19th, 2017, 2:54 pm

Ergo the advice, "... But, sometimes neighbors with personality disorders do make it necessary."

(I used to train at the James J. Rowley Training Center in Beltsville, MD, just outside Wash., DC so, quite possibly your friend is our mutual associate.)
Maizan24
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby Maizan24 » May 28th, 2017, 5:35 pm

So I was in back today doing some weed whacking and the neighbor was back there doing whatever he was doing. Tried to take the high road and say hello. He gave me this look and was like 'really youre saying hi to me now' so i was like yeah. He then proceeded to call me an [banned word] and stupid because I didnt know what was wrong.

When we moved in there was this wooden post fence that was pretty rotted and starting to fall down so I removed most of it but left this small section up in back on our property line for no particular reason than it was kind of embedded in some brush and never took the time to pull it out. He also said his wife said hi to my wife one time and my wife looked at her and just turned and walked away. So I was just kind of saying sorry for any misunderstanding but I didn't realize I was doing anything to bother you. You know because they never mentioned anything. If it bothered the guy that much I gladly would have taken the time to go in there and dismantle th fence. All 12 feet of it. He said because I was an [banned word] he figured he would be one right back.

The whole time I was just looking at him with this sort of confused look because that's what I was and he was just going on about how dumb i looked and he couldn't believe I didn't know that what I was doing was unneighborly. So I guess that's that! Now that I know where we stand I suppose I won't be going out of my way to make this guy my buddy.
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby ken-n-nancy » May 28th, 2017, 9:45 pm

Maizan24, I just want to encourage you in your attempts to communicate with your neighbor. Sounds like "you done good."

You did the right thing by saying you were sorry for any misunderstanding and didn't realize you were doing anything to bother him.

Way back when, he should have talked to you about what was bothering him, instead of just thinking you were stupid because you didn't know what was wrong.

In your conversation today, did he say he was upset about the portion of the fence that you left up? Is it still there? If so, taking it down now would be a good thing to do -- it would be an indication to your neighbor that you weren't trying to be obnoxious or anger him.

You're under no obligation to "go out of [your] way to make this guy [your] buddy" but I'd still encourage you to continue to be neighborly. Now that you know something that was bothering him, you can fix that. If he doesn't want to be neighborly back, that's his problem, but you'll have done what is right.

The "golden rule" is a good one to live by with neighbors: "Do to others as you would have them do to you."
Maizan24
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby Maizan24 » May 29th, 2017, 7:11 am

Yeah it sounded like he was upset about the fact I left that bit of fence up. Like I said I told him I didn't think it was a big deal leaving that little bit up and he said I did it on purpose I that I knew what I was doing by leaving it up. Its just kind of funny because as I stated that bit of fence is pretty much where a bit of trees and bush are anyway so it's not like it was just randomly sitting in this big open area. I could maybe see him being irritated if we had a high solid fence around the whole house and we just left up the part by his property line but that's not even close to the case.

Kind of just wish the guy would have said something you know...3 years ago like you said kennnancy. Not a mind reader so how was i supposed to know I did the guy wrong. I'll see what happens if I take that fence down. I have a feeling he will just say something to the effect of you're just doing that now because I said something. You weren't going to take that down blah blah blah. Uggh what a mess.
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Re: Odd neighbor behavior

Postby Maizan24 » May 31st, 2017, 2:15 pm

Havent seen the guy since our interaction but I did remove the remainder of the fence and my wife wrote a nice note and we mailed it out. Figure this covers all our bases so i will leave it up to them to make the next move. I feel better knowing I at least made the effort to be polite. See where it gets me.

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