Maizan24 wrote: ↑May 16th, 2017, 2:23 pm
Anyone have any experience/advice about dealing with a neighbor?
More ... than ... you ... will/would ever want to know, Trust Me!
Haven't seen this mentioned yet but, ascertain whether or not your state has a court records search and, if so, run the neighbor's name to see if he has a past history of ... any past history, get it? If you don't know the neighbor's name, you may have to start with an online search of Land Records (i.e., your county gis system). The last state we lived in (MD) the majority of court docket entries are public record so anyone can enter anyone's name and see if the person has no involvement with the courts or law enforcement, just minor traffic violations OR a PATTERN of problematic behavior. State we're in now doesn't have anything akin to online searches of court records but, not an issue as all's one has to do is ask about one another 'round here and everyone pretty much seems to know everyone, ha-ha!
Anyhoo, Just like we determine what specific "issue" we are dealing with in our yardens before we try to resolve it/them, you want at least the minimum of due diligence to determine if you're dealing with a mildly "off" personality or, if you have a potential sociopath living next door to your family. (Side-note: Obviously, there is a wide range of personality disorders and sociopathic behaviors but, you owe it to yourself to at least try and determine who or what lives next door. The fact there is no regular intercourse back-and-forth really makes your situation tough and why I've learned it is ALWAYS pursue meetings, greetings and "get to know one another" conversations BEFORE problems start occurring as, having first words when it is over a "problem" is always tough, even for pros in dealing with people.
All that said, THERE ARE PEOPLE in this world who always "need" some "battle" or "cause du jour" in their lives ... being in conflict with someone else is the only way they know to function getting through each day. If, by any chance, this is the type personality you are dealing with (and it sure sounds possible, from your in-depth descriptions) then, YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT PERSON or subject of their "focus." Again, there is a wide range of this type of personality and behavior, with two polar ends and everything in between, from those who just always seem to have problems but functional in society to totally off the chart sociopathic behavior.
So, and if it turns out you are dealing with an asymptomatic personality type, what does, "YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE (the)subject of their "focus" mean? Above all else, DO NOT (EVER!) let yourself be drawn into any type of "[banned word]-for-tat" behavior. And, do everything you can to avoid involving law enforcement, code inspectors, etc., etc. (hopefully his behavior will simply remain as passive-aggressive and as mildly offensive as it is now ...) Whether [banned word]-for-tat or involvement of "authorities," they THRIVE on this and if it happens, you might as well put a second wedding ring on one of your other 9 fingers. (But, sometimes neighbors with personality disorders do make it necessary. Just try to avoid it for as long you can)
Keep up and if you haven't already started, initiate the pleasant waves when you see him, even if he ignores you.
You describe "standing and staring" behavior which, let's face it, is primal language for several things so, in addition to all the forgoing, the best advice I can give (again, based on painful experience) is:
1. Start boning up on basic psychology of personality disorders and people who have intermediate to advanced difficulty in communicating with others (genetic as well as environmental (from those who raised us) REASON BEING YOU WANT TO BE ONE-STEP AHEAD OF HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS INDIVIDUAL, ONCE THE RELATIONSHIP BEGINS INCLUDING VERBAL contact (and it will, for better or for worse, point is, you do not want to be caught off-guard so, get on-line!); and,
2. "Tall fences make for good neighbors" is likely truer than "location, location, location" or "buy low and sell high"
Other neighbors and best friends also have property in another state and there is not enough space here to describe the humans who moved into a foreclosed property right next to their quiet, quiet Gulf Coast "get away" neighborhood. My friend, already on a fixed income, reached pretty deep into his wallet to have a 7-foot vinyl-clad fence erected along the entire length of the property line between the two properties (after receiving blessings from the local zoning department who had already received numerous and anonymous complaints about the code violations at the problem address).
Anyway, all the surrounding neighbors agree: this is the first time such a drastic action has ever been necessary in such a genteel enclave but, every dang one of them wishes they could do the same thing!
Personally, and with the problem neighbor we had decades ago, I regret every month I put off planting Leyland Cypress along our property lines. Had I done so, by the time the problems reached a crescendo, those columns would have been 7-feet or higher and the challenges at least halved, if not entirely ameliorated. But, one has to take into consideration neighbors complaining about impacts of deep shade on their respective lawns so, experience has shown me nothing works better than a really, really awesome looking, low maintenance, permanent privacy fence (al of which = buck$ but, in the long run, it'l' be money well spent.
Here's wishing you some fast relief and your neighbor less "pain" in life!
Guess my